A recent Instagran story — A recent Instagram story

Hey, it has really been a while.

I’ve taken ‘breaks’ from my blog and Instagram before, but not like this. This time like I walked away indefinitely, not really sure if I was going to return.

So much has happened in the past year. Not only the world events (COVID-19, the US election, the BLM riots), but also in my personal life too.

Kevin and I moved out (finally) and got our own place together, and we’ve been sticking to 6 month leases for the flexibility aspect of it but also for the adventure (we enjoy moving houses and discovering new areas). We’re currently halfway through our second lease, and I’m so lucky to be able to have my own studio space, but I’m also ready to move again (noisy neighbours).

Moving out has given me so much mental clarity and peace. It’s something that I’ve wanted to do for so long, and it’s been a highlight of 2020.

Ok cool, “but what’s with the title of the blog post” I hear you ask?

Instagram is a place that I’ve come to dread for the past few years. Never knowing what to post, never feeling like I had anything good enough to post, just constantly fretting about how to improve. I had so much work to share, and yet I never would.

Do I post about fashion? My photography work? Travel? What about my stationery shop? Nothing felt like it was working for me, and nothing came naturally. Whenever I look at my feed, I cringe because I feel like it doesn’t reflect me and my best work, or even what I love most. But what did I love most? I had to take some time to think.

So for the past 9 or so months, I’ve been working mostly on my shop. Ever since moving out, my shop has grown so much (mostly due to my weekly studio vlogs) and after years of trying to build a shop, it’s an incredible feeling to be able to say that I’m working on it full-time now. For years, I was juggling several jobs trying to save enough money to move out while also trying to grow my business. I was tutoring, doing odd photography shoots here and there, and the occasional Instagram job. I was content, and happy to be able to earn money doing what I was good at, but it wasn’t bringing me joy.

Fast forward to today, my days are filled with documenting the 'behind-the-scenes’ for my weekly vlogs, journalling, packing orders, and designing new stickers. I never really considered myself an artist, but now it fills me with joy to be able to call myself one (even if I still feel like a fraud saying it).

The artist and sticker shop community on Instagram is mind-blowing. It was so intimidating at first, full of incredibly talented artists posting their work (at this time I could barely draw a stick figure - honestly). But as I connected with people and started to engage more, I absolutely fell in love. Everyone is so supportive and willing to help each other. It just felt so different to the fashion and travel community I was used to (not taking a stab at anyone, this is completely on me, I know).

Through my work and creations, I felt like I was tapping into my childlike joy again — something I didn’t realise I had lost. I had always obsessed over stickers and stationery as a child but you don’t really grow up thinking that it’s a potential career path.

But as my shop grows, my love for photography and words still remains.

I loved writing blog posts, and being excited to share my latest photos with you. Words were my first love after all. But I felt like I had backed myself into a corner where I didn’t really feel like I belonged. I’m not a fancy fashion photographer/blogger who spends a lot travelling and on clothes.

I’m on a journey to own less, and buy less. My dream is to live in a sunlit-drenched home surrounded by nature with a dog (or three) running around. I want to spend my days creating and dreaming. I love coffee (so much) and I love spending my mornings slow, and intentional, reading or journalling. I want to travel with a backpack and camera in hand, capturing and documenting everything. I want to inspire people to feel like they can do whatever they want to and to tap into that childlike joy and creativity that they may have lost.

I’m an introvert who loves to work from home and can go for weeks without seeing anyone other than Kevin. I love thrift shops and old books and warm, earthy colours. I’m a messy person who struggles to clean up after myself, and I’m also a deeply emotional and empathetic person. I strongly dislike being around inauthentic, condescending and manipulative people.

And I have a habit of hiding myself and my work, because I have a strong case of imposter syndrome (who doesn’t, honestly?).

All that rambling to say that I want to put my authentic self forward more. I want her to show up fearlessly and unapologetically, so that I can make others feel like they can do the same. I want to post little moments - no matter how un-Instagram friendly there are - and not be afraid to show up consistently.

My journey with my shop and YouTube has taught me that it’s possible, and that I’m not alone with my struggle. I value genuine connection so much and that’s what I strive for with my main Instagram now. It might take me a while, and I’ll be sure to lose some people along the way, but no matter how long you’re here for, I’m so grateful that you are here.

Now that my shop is able to support me financially, I feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders when I think about my personal Instagram account now. Yep, I’m calling it my personal Instagram account, not main, not business, because I want it to be a place where I can share what I love. I feel like I’m coming back, coming home to myself, and who I always was.

So much love, hopefully much, much more to come from me x